Empty Fears

Sometimes it feels like

Like I’m drowning in my own fears

Fears of letting you down

Fears of not being enough

Fears of change

And every time I come up for air

They pull me back down

Under the surface

Where I scream but you can’t hear me

And they are empty

Hallow

I don’t know where they come from

Or when they will leave me alone

I don’t want you to wake up one day

And realize I’m not what you want

That I can’t do all the things you want

I don’t want to give you all of me

More than me

To still come up short

Because those videos, Instagram, our generation – they are telling us to be broken

I don’t want you to hear them

I don’t want you to think they’re right

Because I’m not those girls in the videos

I’m not the girls you see on Instagram

I don’t hide in make-up and bundles of weave

Should I?

My bottom isn’t so big I have to squat to fit into my jeans

Should it be?

I’m not shaped like a coke bottle

I don’t have a perfect life – never have.

You are the closest I’ve got to perfect.

And my fear is that you’ll hurt me

If I don’t beat you to it

I don’t want you to wake up and realize I have all these broken parts

That you cannot put back together

That I’m not enough

Because sometimes it’s seems like it’s too good to be true

Why do I have to find something wrong?

Can you really heal these wounds?

Because even I can’t answer these questions I try to chase out of the back of my mind.

Are you ready to have me– all of me?

Even the broken parts?

I am made up of a million little broken pieces

Thousands of times I’ve put myself back together

I’ve lost pieces of me along the way and can’t find them

That’s why I keep falling apart right in front of you

And I am so thankful you know how to put me back together every time