Sometimes it feels like
Like I’m drowning in my own fears
Fears of letting you down
Fears of not being enough
Fears of change
And every time I come up for air
They pull me back down
Under the surface
Where I scream but you can’t hear me
And they are empty
I don’t know where they come from
Or when they will leave me alone
I don’t want you to wake up one day
And realize I’m not what you want
That I can’t do all the things you want
I don’t want to give you all of me
More than me
To still come up short
Because those videos, Instagram, our generation – they are telling us to be broken
I don’t want you to hear them
I don’t want you to think they’re right
Because I’m not those girls in the videos
I’m not the girls you see on Instagram
I don’t hide in make-up and bundles of weave
My bottom isn’t so big I have to squat to fit into my jeans
Should it be?
I’m not shaped like a coke bottle
I don’t have a perfect life – never have.
You are the closest I’ve got to perfect.
And my fear is that you’ll hurt me
If I don’t beat you to it
I don’t want you to wake up and realize I have all these broken parts
That you cannot put back together
That I’m not enough
Because sometimes it’s seems like it’s too good to be true
Why do I have to find something wrong?
Can you really heal these wounds?
Because even I can’t answer these questions I try to chase out of the back of my mind.
Are you ready to have me– all of me?
Even the broken parts?
I am made up of a million little broken pieces
Thousands of times I’ve put myself back together
I’ve lost pieces of me along the way and can’t find them
That’s why I keep falling apart right in front of you
And I am so thankful you know how to put me back together every time